


And You Let Her Go

by Writeonthrough (Schroederplayspiano)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Brain Injury, Canon Compliant, F/M, Friendship, Love, Rehab and recovery, The Bus, post 1x22, reconnecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7223812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schroederplayspiano/pseuds/Writeonthrough
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jemma takes Fitz back to the Bus’ lab for the first time since the hospital, they attempt to rekindle their deep connection despite their own physical and emotional scars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And You Let Her Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [agentcalliope](https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentcalliope/gifts).



“Welcome home, Fitz!” Jemma tugged on his arm, pulling him into the Bus’ lab. “I made sure everything was how you left it. I didn’t want anyone messing with your favorite place in the world.”

Fitz’s gaze darted from one corner of the familiar lab to another. He spent weeks in the hospital imagining himself here, and now that the moment had arrived, he wished he could be anywhere else.

Equipment called out to him, and he longed to touch it. But, his tools seem somehow smaller to him now—like they wouldn’t fit in his hands even if they would stop shaking.

He shoved his hands in his pockets. “W-what a-are w-we-e d-do-oing here, J-Jemma-a?”

“Well,” she slid over to him like her movement was part of a celebratory dance. “It’s your favorite—”

“I-it’ss s-supposed t-to-o b-be-e o-our f-favorite p-place.”   
  
“It is!” Jemma reached for his arm again, this time to bow her head on his shoulder. She gave his arm a squeeze. “It’s our favorite, most sacred place in the universe.” When he didn’t reply, she looked up at him, resting her chin on him. “It means so much to me that you’re home…I can’t tell you—”

Fitz turned his head to his shoulder. Their noses brushed against each other, their lips inches apart. While Fitz focused on their proximity, Jemma’s gaze lifted to his eyes.

After experiencing weeks of Fitz barely speaking, Jemma became an expert at reading his eyes. She could not have survived the days at his bedside while he starred at her speechless without his expressive eyes connecting to her.

Now, however, she wished she could unlearn the skill. His blue eyes filled with wonder as they searched her for hints of thoughts and feelings. Soon, his blue shrunk, unsatisfied.

If Jemma had any words of satisfaction within her, she would offer them to him freely. During countless hours watching him rehab, the poetic irony slowly dawn on her: he was a man with no words who knew what he wanted to say while she had all the words in the world but couldn’t string them together to express buried her feelings.

She could do nothing but break away from him. Fitz stared at the place where her chin had rested, oblivious to Jemma’s tinkering around lab drawers.

“Coulson has a new project for you. It’s so exciting.” She pulled up a mock video of the bus on the screen behind them disappearing and reappearing in midair. “Cloaking! You’re going to make it possible for us to fly anywhere undetected.” Her shoulders danced as made her way over to him, poking him playfully. “Leo Fitz. Game Changer.”

Fitz stood, hands in his pockets, flinching at each playful poke.

“Y-you t-think-k I-I c-can d-do t-this-s?”

“I know you can. I have faith in you.”

Fitz approached his work station and Jemma’s heart fluttered at the image. The sight of him back at work, in their sacred place together, was all Jemma wanted since his accident.

“O-ok. C-cloaking-g.” He pulled a piece of paper out from a drawer and laid it out flat on a surface. “W-well, t-the-e f-first s-step w-would b-be f-find-ding-d t-the-e e-e-quations-s, r-right-t?”

Jemma smiled warmly at him, “Right.”

The warmth she emitted didn’t make it to Fitz. She knew when he turned away from the paper, eyeing a pencil at the desk corner. “A-and-d h-how w-would-d I-I d-do-o t-that-t?” His hand shook as he picked up the pencil. “P-perhaps-s b-by w-writting-g o-out-t t-th-e-e e-equation?”

“Fitz.” She warned.

“O-oh, w-wait-t. I-I c-can’t-t w-write-e now,” he flung the pencil across the lab. “C-can-n I?”

“So?” Jemma fought back. “When did you let anything stop you? Ok, pencils suck right now. Your hand shakes too much. Use a computer. Find someone to dictate to. You don’t need your hands to change the game.”

“I-I d-don’t w-want-t t-to t-talk-k a-about-t t-this-s, Jemma!”

Jemma inhaled deeply. She had worked hard on that speech. She prepared the computer to show him how to use it for advance equations. She had made a list of the lab assistants who were willing to take dictation from him…but as she watched him shake out his frustrations, she knew it was not the time to share the work she did for him.

But, when was the time?

She was leaving for Hydra in the morning.

“Ok.” Jemma accepted his words calmly. “What do you want to talk about?”

Fitz stopped shaking. Blue returned to his eyes. The color added softness to his blazing expression and with every passing second that Jemma waited to hear what he had to say.

He stepped closer to her. “You.”

Jemma blinked as if the topic of herself was completely foreign to her. “Me?”

“Y-yeah. Y-you. W-we-e h-haven’t-t r-really t-talked a-abou-t y-you-u s-since—” Fitz trailed off, embarrassed he didn’t know the answer. Was his memory still that bad? Or had it been that long since he had asked about her life? “H-how a-are y-you-u?”

Her stress faded at his thoughtfulness. He stepped closer to her, her breath catching as he moved into her personal space. “I’m happy you’re back in our lab.”

If Fitz noted her response centered around him rather than on herself, he was too caught up in the moment to do anything about it. Without the pungent smells of the hospital, the flowery scent of Jemma’s shampoo flooded his senses as their faces grew closer and closer together.

He felt her palms on his chest stop him before he heard her words. “Fitz. I-I can’t. I’m leaving to see my parents in the morning.”

Her right palm waited to feel a heart beat. His expression went blank. The blue in his eyes disappeared.

“Fitz?” She still waited for a response. His first movement came when his gaze fell to the floor and he shifted his weight to start moving away. “No, wait!” She pulled him back to her. “Look at me.”

He wouldn’t look at her. Jemma cradled his head between her palms, but still he refused to look up. “I-um-I-” Why could she perfectly remember her speech about computers and dictation, but none of her planned explanation about why she was leaving? “I should have given you more warning, I’m sorry. And it’s my bad for springing this on you.” She softly lifted his chin to met his gaze. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Okay?” As much as she wanted to keep her lies to the minimum, she couldn’t help trying to reassure him. “I’m not leaving because of you…You asked me how I was and the truth is that I need to go spend time with my family to try and figure that out. Okay?”

Fitz detangled himself from her and swallowed. It took everything left in him to say, “Y-you s-should g-go-o.”

Tears formed behind Jemma’s eyes. “Fitz…” Her lips quivered too much to form a ‘thank you.’

She tried to reach him again, but he stepped back. “N-now. G-go-o!” His hand shook as it pointed out of their lab.

“What?” Jemma cried in a raised voice. “No! I cleared my schedule to spend the afternoon with you!”

“J-jemmma-a.” Fitz closed his eyes. “Y-you-u were h-honest-t w-with m-me-e. L-let-t m-me-e b-be-e h-honest-t w-with y-yo-u.” He took a deep breath. “I-if-f I-I h-have-e t-to s-spend-d o-one-e m-more-e m-moment-t w-with-h you, k-knowing-g t-that-t y-you’rre l-leaving-g m-m-e-e, I-I’m-m g-going-g t-to-o l-lose-e i-it-t. S-so-o, p-please-e, i-if-f y-you-u w-want-t t-to-o h-help-p m-me-e k-keep-p i-it-t t-together-r, d-don’t-t m-make m-me-e w-watch-ch y-you-u l-leave-e m-me-e. D-don’t-t b-be-e h-here-e w-when-en I-I o-pen-en m-my-y e-eyes-s.”

_So she wasn’t._

**Author's Note:**

> Loved to hear from you in the comments! ♥︎


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